Starting off with a bunch:

Anonymous:
See the happy moron,
He doesn't give a damn,
I wish I were a moron,
My God! Perhaps I am.

Anonymous:
Never pick a quarrel with a man who buys his ink by the gallon.

Woody Allen:
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Franklin P. Adams:
Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody.

Phineas T. Barnum:
There's a sucker born every minute.

Bredan Behan:
There's no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary.

If you get the history:
David Beatty (at the Battle of Jutland)
"There's something wrong with our bloody ships today, Chatfield."